Learning to be Okay with People disliking You

It's Not Me, It's You: Learning to be Okay with People disliking You

If 2017 taught me anything it definitely taught me that there are always going to be people out there who dislike you for no good reason. Sometimes they try so hard to find a reason, to victimise them self, they want to dislike you so badly that they make up scenarios and paint you as the villain, even if you have done them no wrong. For the majority of my life I let people like this bother me, my people pleasing side slipped to the surface and I would go into panic mode, how oh how can I make this person love me? I would put on my biggest smile, I'd negotiate any scenario just begging for them to like me, but it was no good and it just made me feel worse about myself. Sometimes, people have a reason, the way you laugh, the way you dress, the way sarcasm rolls off your tongue without you even noticing, but sometimes the reason is that they have built an idea of who you are in their head without getting to know you, but they don't want to get to know you anyway. I am fine with people not liking me for no good reason, after all, it's not me, it's you.

There are always going to be people who dislike you, it is the way of life, you will dislike people and people will dislike you, but when people have no good reason to dislike you, it can be very consuming. You start to wonder what it could possibly be, you go over and over in your head every social situation you have had with them, you even debate just outright asking them, but it always leads back to the same place; they have no reason to dislike you. It is extremely hard to deal with situations like this because they can make you feel self-conscious, awkward, out of place, sometimes they may even make you question who you are and if you should be liked, but it is important not to lose yourself in situations like this, it is important that you understand that their feelings have nothing to do with you.

It's Not Me, It's You: Learning to be Okay with People disliking You

I often find myself in a panic if someone dislikes me for no good reason, I start to wonder what it must be? Am I a bad person? Do I make rude comments? Do I dress funny? Is it my laugh? It often leads to me questioning my own understanding of who I am, I know I am a good person, I know that I would never make outwardly rude comments to someone. Knowing this about myself doesn't stop the wondering, in fact, I often feel terrible about myself after I have gone through one of these self-criticising sessions. Lately, I have begun reminding myself that actually whatever reason they make up for disliking me, unless valid, is most likely a reflection of their own insecurities. We often dislike those who bring forth our self-esteem issues, it is how we work as human beings. We are created to see people as our competition and thus dislike them, but we tend not to let ourselves see that as the reason for our dislike, so we make up our own reasoning. For a long time, I would dislike anyone who was more intelligent than me because I had self-esteem issues surrounding my own intelligence, but I let it go. Sometimes, dislike can come from a place of insecurity.

Often a question I ask myself when I have exhausted every scenario to prove to someone that I am not Satan's spawn and that I have good qualities only for them to still dislike me. There are times when you just have to let it go, people are going to dislike you and that is okay, if you weren't disliked you'd be doing something wrong, even the queen has her haters. I often take a step back and assess whether I would have wanted this person in my life anyway, if the answer is no, I fight my people pleasing ways and let it go, another is to assess how long this person will be in your life, a year? a few months? No big deal, you can deal with them for that long. Afterall, there will be people who dislike you in every step of your life, you just have to pull up your big girl (or boy) panties and be your usual amazing self, they'll get over it and even if they don't, they're only killing their own mood.

It's Not Me, It's You: Learning to be Okay with People disliking You

I don't hate anyone, I mean with exception to bad people, of course, I really don't hate anyone. Hating is a severe waste of time and energy. Hating takes up just as much energy and devotion as it does to love someone, so I'd rather focus my time and energy on those I love anyway, so why hate? So instead of hating someone back and being hurtful or hateful towards someone I much prefer to focus as little attention on them as possible, and if needs be and we have to work together I am professional, kind and helpful because their opinions are on them and I won't be brought down to their level of immaturity by making passive aggressive comments or being nasty. It is much easier to be nice and get on with things, you'll get through situations much quicker if you just get on with it with a positive manner and if they are unprofessional then that is totally on them. 

 This quote is one I say to myself regularly. Sometimes we get so caught up in what people think of us that we forget that other people's thoughts are not ours to debate. You can go on and on, trying to figure out why someone dislikes you, but really it has nothing to do with you, their thoughts, their opinions and beliefs are their business and theirs alone. Just as you'd rather people didn't dissect your opinions I am sure others would prefer theirs weren't picked apart either, sometimes you have to just remember that and move on. It is also a quote that should slip out your mouth anytime someone starts drama by telling you how someone else doesn't like you, keep the drama at bay and live your life knowing that you're all good. 

It's Not Me, It's You: Learning to be Okay with People disliking You

Of course, this post isn't me trying to convince you that I have no bad habits or traits, we all do, humans are made to be flawed. So of course, there will be people out there with very valid, very real reasons to dislike me and of course, if I have ever done anyone wrong I would love to truly apologise and discuss the issue with those people, but they are not who this post is about. This post is about those who try to bring us down, those who go out of their way to tell everyone what a terrible person you are without having any experience to back up their claim. This post was written with good intentions to remind people that it's okay to live life despite people disliking you, that people are going to find any reason to dislike you and that should not affect your self-esteem. I know there will be people who want to twist this post into something it is not, so I want to pop this quick disclaimer down here to promise you that I am not pretending to have no flaws.

So what are your thoughts on people who have no reason to dislike you? Do you have any tips you'd like to share? Tell me below in the comments!

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