Do I Still Want to Blog?

Wednesday, 20 June 2018

Do I Still Want to Blog?

I took a couple of weeks of blogging and during those two weeks I asked myself this question a lot: do I still want to blog? I wondered if I was enjoying blogging or was I just blogging because I'd been so used to it. It's been something I have had in the back of my mind for a while now, I do enjoy blogging, but sometimes it just feels like a wasted effort and it's a big effort for me to blog. I have so much going on from my masters degree to finding an industry job to dissertation and life in general... it takes a lot of time and energy to keep a blog alive alongside my busy life and I began to question whether it was all worth it. I mean, I am not the biggest blogger out there, I'm a petite blogger with a small following and I'm grateful for every single one of them, but am I even growing anymore or have I hit a brick wall? 

it's weird because these thoughts never appeared in my head in the beginning, when my main focus was just to be happy with my blog. I never questioned if it was worth my time and effort, I never questioned whether I should just stop blogging and let it run its natural course, so why do I constantly think these things now? I've come to realise it's because I am not enjoying my blog in the same way I once did, I have added a whole other element to blogging: stress. I now stress about sticking to a schedule, posting content that people will want to read, I stress about how many views I get, the comments I receive and the following I have. Blogging used to be fun, something I did because I loved it but now it's like a chore, something I have to do otherwise my following won't grow and that's not how I ever wanted this little corner of the internet to be. I want to love my blog, I want to love what I post and post what I love, so why is it not like that? 

I've found it's because blogging has become competitive, we are always comparing ourselves to the next blogger, wondering if she has more followers than I do, how do I make sure I work with the same brands as her? Bloggers are no longer my colleagues, my associates, my friends, they're my competition and for someone who never really saw my peers as my competition, it's taking its toll. I'm competitive in games, I'm competitive in quizzes, I am competitive against myself, but when it comes to real life I've never been one of those people who have to get better grades than the girl next to me nor make more money than the guy with the same title as me, it's just not me but blogging has created this competitive monster ready to scream if other people get what I want before I do and I don't like that person. 

I don't want to be the girl comparing her following to someone else or looking at other people's Instagram feeds feeling terrible because mine isn't as good, I want to be able to do me, be proud, be happy and let others do them. It's tough though because blogging has become a competition, you compete to get brands to want to work with you, you compete to get the most followers, you compete to have the best content. You want the compliments the "She works SO hard" and the "She's one of the most dedicated bloggers there are" so badly that you forget to take a step back and evaluate the situation, or well I have. For a second I forgot I'm not a full-time blogger, I am doing a masters degree and blogging, I am juggling two major aspects of my life, I can't dedicate the same time to it that other bloggers can. I don't live in London so I can't have all these Instagram shots everyone else has effortlessly, I am just a girl writing a blog in her spare time because she loves to write and speak and communicate, is that so bad? Does my blog have to be like a magazine filled with glossy shots and Prada bags or can't my blog just be me sat here sharing my love of all things beauty, fashion and lifestyle? Can my blog me a 22-year-old masters student chatting about her loves, her hates, her knowledge and her woes? My blog is real, it is me and I've become lost among these glamour shots that fill my feed. 

I love blogging, I love writing, I love sharing my opinions, my thoughts, my insights with those who want to read them. I love being able to take a step away from the dissertation I've been looking at for two weeks straight and write about things that don't have to have academic underpinning and pompous words filling every gap. So why can't my blog just be that? Be real, be me. Yes, the glossy shots and the glamorous lifestyles of the full-time bloggers are wonderful and I enjoy reading so many of their blogs inthefrow, Lydia Elise Millen, Fashion Mumblr, but I also love the real life of smaller bloggers who juggle their blog with careers, studies even families. Yes, both sides show their versions of real life but I get so caught up wanting to be just like the full-time bloggers living glamourous lifestyles that I forgot that I'm not them, I'm living the life of a student and I am okay with that, actually I happy with that. I love my life so why can't I love my blog too? I don't have to be like everyone else, I can be me and if I am being honest I'm pretty happy to just be me. 

I do still want to blog, I don't see a time in the near future where blogging isn't something that fills my heart with joy, but I want to blog in my own way. I don't want to focus on content that puts me on the road to being just like those I look up to, I want to focus on content that makes me happy. Maybe I'll lose some followers, people may lose interest, but I know there are so many many bloggers out there stuck in this position like I am wondering why they don't enjoy blogging anymore and maybe just maybe they'll enjoy my blog because I am living a life just like theirs. Who knows? What I do know is that it's time for heythererobyn to change and I am very excited for what's next. 

Do you ever second-guess your love of blogging? Do you think we have to be more realistic about the way we blog or is it okay to compete with the big bloggers?

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