Learning That My Best is Good Enough

Monday, 6 November 2017

Learning That My Best is Good Enough

Y'know when you go for a job interview and you are asked: "what's your biggest flaw?" and you reply "Oh gosh, I am such a perfectionist"? I mean, it is something most people do, after all, perfectionism can be a flaw, but it is one of those ones where it's actually thought of as more of a positive than a negative. The thing is, for me, I am actually a perfectionist, it's not something I say to make me seem more hardworking or dedicated or anything like that, I truly am a perfectionist and it's not as great as you'd think. I am always striving for a level of perfection, that for the most part doesn't exist, which causes stress on many levels. I want to be a level of perfection, not about my looks or anything like that, but in life, I have always strived to be that girl who has it all, but I've come to find that sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. 

If you read here regularly, you probably know that about six weeks ago I started my masters degree and let me tell you, it is not easy, but I love a challenge and I love to push myself. What I don't love, however, is how much my course interferes with my blogging and my social media, two things that make up part of who I am and who I want to be. Like I said, I want to be that girl who has it all, who is doing a masters degree, passing everything that flies her way and blogging, growing and conquering in the online world too, but it just isn't happening. University is what my life consists of right now if I'm not in university, I am reading uni books, I am working on uni projects, I am writing essays, researching for essays or thinking about uni. I like everything to be perfect, I want to get the best grades I possibly can and I am pushing myself above and beyond to conquer my goal, but not only does it interfere with my blogging and social life, but also my health. For 4-5 weeks I was staying up until 2 and 3 in the morning to study and do uni work than getting up 4-5 hours later to get ready for university. I was mentally and physically exhausted. 

I just decided that no, I don't want to make myself ill, I need sleep and I need my creative outlet back, I need to do something simply because I love it, I needed blogging back in my life. I had to start prioritising better, juggling better and I had to just stop trying to have it all. Being a perfectionist means that when I push myself to do better instead of motivation I almost intimidate myself, I channel negative emotion into it, I tell myself that I need to do great otherwise I will fail instead of telling myself that doing better will open up opportunities, make me happy and so on. I had to change my mindset and so here I am. 

Learning That My Best is Good Enough

University will always be my main priority, I want good grades and I will do anything in my power to get them, but pushing myself to an idea of perfection that just doesn't exist is unhealthy. Instead, I want to get good grades because it will open up more opportunities and because I will be proud of myself. I won't force myself to stay up late which in turn creates sloppy work just because I want to finish tasks, if I haven't got the energy it can wait until I do, I would prefer to put my full attention into it than give it a sloppy go that I'd have to just redo in the morning anyway. I also want to get back into blogging, but slowly, putting my best content up, not forcing myself to stick to a schedule and put sloppy posts up that I am not proud of in the slightest. 

We foster this image of who we want to be based on people we don't know and situations we cannot relate to. I may not be the blogger with thousands of followers who blogs regularly and is incredibly popular among the community, but I bet that blogger doesn't have a masters degree to juggle alongside her blog, and if she does can you tell her I need some advice? I may not be the perfect image that I want to be, but who is? We all have faults and we are all trying our best and that is what truly counts. Maybe one day I'll be able to juggle it all and blog, work, study and live all within the 24 hour days we are confined to, or maybe I won't but I am slowly learning that for right now my best just has to be good enough, yep, it is super hard to not freak out, but when I weigh up my options it all seems to work out the way I need it to based on what I want in life. 

I may not be able to have it all, but I am continuing to try my damn hardest to have what I need and want in life. I am slowly learning from my mistakes like most people and one of my biggest mistakes is pressing pause on my blog simply because I have decided that if I can't be the best blogger I won't blog. I may not be able to blog three days a week every single week but that doesn't mean I should give up blogging altogether and it is something I am slowly beginning to realise. I can't be the best at everything, but I can do my best and that has to be good enough even if my perfectionist's brain is screaming at me that it's not. 

So how do you deal with juggling? Do you go by the belief that your best is good enough or are you a perfectionist like me who is always doubting yourself? Tell me in the comments below. 

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