Not Everyone is Going to Like You and That's Okay

Monday, 13 November 2017

Not Everyone is Going to Like You and That's Okay

Today I have been doing a lot of thinking, a lot of reminiscing, thinking about the people I hold dear, the people I once did and those few people whose company I did not or do not enjoy. The one thing that became crystal clear was that my dislike for people has always diminished when I no longer have to be around them, but my adoration for people or the friendships I once held close always stick with me like little nostalgic bubbles of happiness. It made me wonder if maybe we focus too much of our energy disliking people when that energy could be channelled into something so much more worthy and positive. The only problem is that contempt and dislike are feelings we cannot control, it is human nature to dislike people, everyone has to be around difficult people at one point in their life and it is natural to dislike people. That doesn't mean we have to let these people control us. 

I was lucky, I have never experienced bullying at all throughout my life, but, I have had my fair share of difficult people, I have had people dislike me for no reason, I have had people sabotage me, I have had people accept my apology only to stab me in the back the moment I open up to trusting them again, but I have never allowed them to break me. That is what is most important, however, is to be in control of how you react to difficult people, to never allow your anger or your dislike for them to take over. For me, the easiest way to do this is to remember that the feelings, the anger, the hurt, they're all temporary because once that person has left my life I won't care anymore and any energy I once focused on them will be nothing more than a waste of time. 

DO NOT RETALIATE
We all love a little rant, to turn to the people who we trust the most and complain about terrible people in our lives, but it is important that this is as far as we take it. The worst thing you can possibly do is retaliate because we just become as bad as they are. Instead turn the other cheek, be the bigger person and look forward to preventing any further issues with that person. This can be hard especially if it is a difficult individual at work because they often allow their personal problems to interfere with the professional, but don't be that person. Stay professional, speak about any professional issues you have and deal with them in a mature and civil manner and leave the personal out of it. The less you allow the difficult person to affect you the more bored they become and they eventually give up playing their one-sided game. I found that those who often don't really have a reason for disliking me tend to give up very quickly when I don't play their little games. Plus if this is someone in a work environment retaliating can be extremely dangerous and may be exactly what they want you to do so they can use your retaliating against you. 

DON'T LET THEM DULL YOUR SPARKLE
One of my favourite quotes is "An entire sea of water cannot sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world cannot put you down unless you allow it to get inside you." I think it is so powerful, that we cannot allow the negative and spiteful feelings others have of us become how we see ourselves because if we do, there is no way to go but down. If you are perfectly happy in knowing that you have done no wrong to this person then do not allow them to make you feel bad. A person often reflects their own insecurities onto other people and in doing so they often bring people down for no reason, so do not let the thought of others become your own thoughts. Knowing that you have done no wrong to this person can be the way to let yourself sleep better at night. This person has built a version of you that they want to see and their version is seen through obscured eyes, you wouldn't trust someone who needs glasses to read you a menu without their glasses on, so why should you trust someone who cannot see the real you to tell you what kind of person you are? Be confident in who you are. 

BE MATURE, CIVIL AND FORGIVING
If you have made a mistake or you have said something you should not have, say sorry, be the bigger person and put your hand out first, if they do not shake it and forgive you then that is on them. Life is too short to hold grudges, especially with people we don't have to spend a lot of time with, forgive and move on. If they cannot do so then that is their problem, but doing so will give you peace of mind. Don't go around throwing insults or creating gossip, let them be the childish one, it will catch up with them eventually. You can complain and moan to your friends, your boyfriend, your family, but keep it civil. True colours always show clear and if you are happy to move on, forgive and be mature then people will see these, people will understand who is being the bigger person and who is holding onto childish grudges.

Not Everyone is Going to Like You and That's Okay

BE OKAY WITH NOT BEING LIKED
This is a difficult one, especially for us people pleasers out there, but it is true, not everyone is going to like you and you have to be okay with that. You cannot conform to every expectation, you cannot try to please everyone at once, the only person you should be looking to please is yourself. You can be the juiciest, ripest apple in all the land and there will still be someone who doesn't like apples. If someone doesn't like you leave it alone, let it be, do not change who you are to please them, it will only lead to disappointment. Afterall as a wise Dr Seuss once said: "Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." If someone doesn't like you then they really don't matter and it is those who like you without a second thought who truly matter in life. Focus on love, focus on positivity after all it is those relationships that will continue to grow and conquer long after the people you dislike are out of your life. 

LEARN FROM THEM
This is one I have learned recently. That I can actually learn from the people who dislike me, this doesn't mean I learn to be a different person, sometimes someone can teach us how to be better of course, but what I mean is to learn from the situation. Being able to handle yourself in a mature manner around people who dislike you is something you will continue to do throughout your entire life, so learn how to act around different types of difficult people. Learn how to work with different types of people so you can become a better team player, learn how to avoid confrontation with different types of people to become a better team player. Above all, learn how to stick up for yourself in a professional and civil manner. I have always been someone who strays away from confrontation, it scares me, I am a people pleaser and the thought of anyone disliking me is something I am still trying to get used to, so I never want to be the one to point out issues or problems. However, it is important that you don't allow others to walk all over you, take credit for your hard work and so on, so learn how to stand up for yourself and learn how to do it in a civil and professional manner, because trust me, it is possible. 

SUCCEED
The best kind of revenge you can serve up to anyone who has treated you terribly, who has made you feel like a terrible person or who has made your life difficult is to succeed. People who dislike you always want to see you fail, they are waiting for you to trip up, to make a mistake and sometimes they even go out of their way to sabotage your success, but do everything you can to succeed, sure it will make them hate you even more, but you'll be too busy being a girl boss to care. Of course, revenge should not be the only reason you want to succeed in life, you should want it for yourself first and foremost, but a little extra push doesn't do anyone any harm. Be your best, do your best and leave them wishing that they had been nicer to you.

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Do you have any tips and tricks on how to be okay with people disliking you or how to deal with difficult people? Leave them in the comments below or tell me a time when you had to deal with a difficult person and how you got through it. 

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