A Little Bit Lost

Wednesday, 26 July 2017

A Little Bit Lost
A Little Bit Lost


Hi, I am Robyn and I am a bit lost. I remember being a kid and thinking "at 25 I want to be married, in an amazing job, earning lots of money, living in a mansion and own 3 cars." Now, I don't really know what I see myself doing at 25, is it that I don't know what the future holds for me or is it simply that I don't know what I want? At 21 I stand here as a recent university graduate, still living with my parents, boyfriendless, graduate job-less and more confused than ever. Was I stupid to think I would have my life sorted out by now or am I failing myself? All too often people ask "where do you see yourself in five years?" but how can I possibly tell them that I have no clue without implying a lack of prospects or dedication? 

The thing is I have prospects and a heck of a load of dedication, but I just don't know where I am in life or what I want and I'm incredibly worried I never will. I am going back to university in September for my masters and that's about all I know is for sure in my five-year plan. I am really big on planning and there is nothing I love more than creating goals for myself, but right now I really have no idea what goals I have other than "get good grades in university." Does this mean I am failing myself? Am I even studying the subject for me if I don't know where I want to be years down the line? I mean everyone knows everything about their sector, right? I mean writers look up to other writers, singers to other singers, but is there some popular marketing God out there for me to mould myself after? I really don't know and nor do I think so. 

I look up to a lot of people for a variety of reasons, but there isn't someone in my field whose footsteps I can follow, rather I look up to a bunch of people from a variety of fields for different reasons, but this doesn't help me in building that five-year plan, does it? I mean where do I even begin, once I have my masters, which jobs am I looking for? Which job role will I be qualified for? How does one climb up the corporate ladder? There are so many things I have to look into and research and I just don't know where to begin or how to do my research. I see people leave university, apply for one job and jump straight into their chosen field, no worries, no troubles, just an easy leap and bam their life seems to flow seamlessly, so why isn't that how things are working for me?

A Little Bit Lost

I applied for job after job after job, I was applying for grad jobs and internships before classes had even stopped and yet here I am with no grad job and no internship. It's so incredibly frustrating to know that you're giving something your everything and getting nothing in return. I was invited along to interviews and for a solid two months I was going to at least two a week, but I'd get that same pitifully response afterwards explaining that they went another way and each time I felt my self-esteem shrink and shrink, I cried and I screamed but each time I sat back down at my laptop and looked for more jobs because I do not give up under any circumstances. It has come to my attention that I must truly suck at interviews, but how on Earth can I be better at interviews? How does one become good at being interviewed? 

I always knew I planned to return for my masters degree, but it didn't make it all suck any less, it didn't take away the fact I felt like I was failing myself because I wasn't succeeding right away and it still doesn't. Inwardly I know that it doesn't mean I am failing and I have now built up a kind of tolerance when it comes to job rejections, so I have a thicker skin and can accept it much easier. For a while I let it affect me too much, but now I try to remind myself that what will be will be and I can't force things to happen, I have to just do my best and let life do the rest for me. It doesn't mean I am any less lost, I have just accepted that I can't control everything in life and all I can do is my best.

I am lost, very lost, I don't quite know what I will be doing when I'm 25. Maybe I will be married and rich and be living a fantastic life with a big house, or maybe I truly will live out my worst nightmare and be alone forever. I really hope the latter isn't true and I do find the perfect man to spend the rest of my life with because I am a true romantic at heart, even if I pretend I'm not for the most part. I think when we are younger we have all of these dreams, but we don't fully understand timing quite as much as we do now because as much as I thought I'd be living in my own place by now, I am really not ready for that and typically most 25-year-olds aren't rich af and living in mansions, so sorry younger me, but your bubble has officially been burst because 21-year-old me cannot see great riches within the next four years. 

A Little Bit LostRight now I am accepting the fact I am lost and confused, but I am trying to find my way and maybe one day I will figure it all out. I know now that I can't be naive and I have to make realistic goals, although short-term and just hope that at some point it all clicks and I figure out where I want to be in five years time.  I think we put far too much pressure on ourselves to be doing this when we are this age and living there while we are that age, life isn't something we can plan out every single detail of, things change, people change and life gets in the way sometimes so we have to just power through and do our best. I have a habit of putting too much pressure on myself and more often than not it just leads to a lot of negative feelings and I usually always leave the situation feeling sorry for myself, but at the end of the day, I am just pushing myself too far. 

I have a lot of goals, some I share on here and my social media channels, some I share with those closest to me and then some I keep to myself. The goals I keep to myself tend to be the ones I am scared to share for fear of not reaching them and disappointing those around me, so for the most part, there are very few of them. I like to share my goals, I am a firm believer that if you share your goals it motivates you further to complete them, so the goals closest to me are usually the ones I tell everyone about. Although I haven't really mentioned my blog in this post a lot, my blog is a very common topic within my goals because it is truly something I am passionate about and I actually feel like I treat it like it is a job even though it's not something I do full-time.


SOME OF MY GOALS
- To do well in university,
- To graduate with a masters next year,
- To only create blog content I am proud to publish,
- To reach 1,000 followers on Instagram,
- To reach 4.000 on Twitter,
- To spend less time on my phone while with family, 
- To figure out the next move after university, 
- To be happy. 

Just a few of the goals I have jotted down in my goals notebook If nothing else I hope to be happy in five years time and still close to my family. I want to be successful and be working in a job I truly adore and am passionate about, but before I get there I have to get through another year at university and figure out what steps to take after graduation next year. I am lost, but aren't we all at times? Graduating can be a really strange and stressful time for a lot of us, we are scared to enter the big bad world and it makes us feel like failures when we don't live up to the same standards as our peers, but each person is different and each person follows a unique path, so I am fine being lost because it has led me to figure out a lot more about myself than I ever could have known before.

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Have you ever felt lost? Do you ever feel overwhelmed by life? What advice would you give to anyone who feels this way? Tell me in the comments. 

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